This Is Inconvenient

Yes, some are Old Dogs and I know em, they’re famous Old Dawgs alright, others I can say they are called ‘High Society’ highlighted by their flashy jewelry, watches and rings with diamonds. Hey, you’re just down the street aren’t you, you’re a real evil serpent evoking great dangers! Ha Ha! I mean, you definitely look the part, you look good, plus this feels so right my Darling! And you know what, I absolutely adore you! But I have to tell you, that I threw the baby out with the bath water. Come here! Gimme a kiss, why don’t ya!

There was something about her. I’d seen it on her face, itself a breakdown in reality, of my reality, I didn’t remember her this way. What was I going to see. Now that I have witnessed her all of my memories have come flooding back. Gosh, she’s older now. I’m thinking of her and that mood of hers, but whatever it was, I never did feel the misery she manifested.

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What reminds me of her are not the measured sequence of events or the passages of time lost. I feel something is missing here.

Yes, there are missing years, the ones we didn’t spend together. I have no recollection of this person now, no memories at all. I didn’t really wouldn’t know what she would look like, I mean, in real life. What then reminds me of her? I mean, how can I spot her. I remembered her, yes barely, but some of the passages of time are not there. I have missed them and I wish to get them back.

I mean she’s not someone else is she? She is who she says she is, right? She is the person I want to see. “That’s you isn’t it?” I saw her at a restaurant that I had the pleasure of dining and this was in the company with good food, good friends and family. And, I have met this person online and have just been reintroduced to her after all these years.

I realize that we are not connected to one another in any way, she is not a part of my everyday life, obviously not. So, was that her sitting there nearby and I have to ask myself, “Are You Who I Think You Are?” I thought to ask this person what their name was.

And while I’m sitting here, I’m thinking:

There is something about you that I see, a sign of harshness as shown on your face and itself is a harsh reality. I didn’t remember you this way. Now that I see you, all of my memories have come flooding back to me, you’re older. I’m thinking of you now, and that mood of yours, if this is you, whatever, I don’t feel the misery you’re demonstrating.

Would you stop and look at me please, and look at me directly in the eyes. Would You Look At Me Now Please? Okay, that’s better! What would your appearance be like? I have to be sure. Is that you? Would you appear to be old and grumpy? I wish you would take a picture of yourself, if you have pictures of yourself -possible, throughout all of these years, this would be pivotal, this would qualify as the measured events the time sequences, the missing years and a way of knowing, for me at least to understand you as to what has been lost. Yes, I have missed all of those years, but I hope I don’t miss the current ones.

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Getting back to the woman sitting there:

Is that you? Okay, well nevertheless you’re giving me this face, as if I have done something wrong to you. Normally in a situation like this, when two people who for sure recognize each other, they will stop what they’re doing and make contact with one another or try to make contact shortly thereafter, when it’s convenient for them. I don’t like seeing you this way. And just think, I have just witnessed this, having seen you like this after such a long period of absence. The sun had just started to set after I had met you, after I had ran into you but really, as they say, “Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath,” this makes me wonder about you. I think you are a Bitch!

If you would please, can you scan those old photographs, digitizing them and eventually and hopefully you’ll post them online. I hope so! Next, can I recommend you take a few more pictures with your camera and place them online as well until we’re all caught up. I don’t know you anymore.

Okay, I’ll listen to their voices, the ones at the table next to mine, to see if it’s your voice I hear, to see if that’s hers, but this isn’t her voice, that’s for sure, and this isn’t this person! Hey, I just remembered, I can’t remember her, her voice neither. But that’s just it, I did know her, but her eyes, I loved her eyes! Similarly and I’m assuming she would know something about me too and like my features as well.

If I can stop what I’m doing and try to think clearly, and I’m trying to concentrate, using my insights or what’s left of my memories of her, maybe then I can remember her and her voice too. And you know what, I think I can remember her and her voice, it sounds so sweet!

Later I wrote to her:

Len, when I saw you sitting there, I was thinking you were in such a bad mood and with that face of yours, that you were going to come over and start pointing your finger at me. And I have to tell you that I felt a little embarrassed. Maybe it was because you accidentally ran across me in town, in that restaurant. THIS IS INCONVENIENT! IT IS! Let me remind you, I was the one who arrived there first, and if you had seen me sitting there with my company, you could have elected to turn around and walk away and leave the restaurant. Really, I don’t get it, you just sat there staring at me, I thought you were perhaps mad at me. And for what! And what’s up with your date?

Dear, We (I) don’t live in an environment of such harshness like this, with such a disciplined reality as such, like the one you’re putting on, that face of yours, the one you wore. You are a wicked and hateful person and this face of yours proves it to me. When you suddenly noticed me, the darker side of you began to surface. It has been shown to me and on that face of yours, the one you put on, the one you wore. Lighten up please!

It’s obvious that you’re lying to yourself. You make believe that you’re happy where you put a rubber stamp on life or someone has, and nod at all the other things around you, saying, “It’s okay,” to all your other constituents. Your obstacles are fretted and they are like, in your past, the ebb tide of your thoughts, receding and going into plurality, so that’s how they grew. They grew and they grew hate. Those were not too good people that pained you of your youth. That spinster sister of yours, especially her, that she’s a bit backwards don’t you think, but please try to get the facts straight. Okay?

After a while and with no replies ever from her, I wrote her a follow-up message:

Often when I sit and think, when I think of you and your situation and if I be real silent and sit perfectly still long enough, allowing myself to concentrate, this will then help me to remember you. These are my insights and we all have them. Now in hindsight, during the course of these last several months, I realise now that this wasn’t you at all at that restaurant one evening. It was all my fault. That person whom I saw certainly looked like you. I have sinned and for that I am so sorry, please forgive me!

p.s. Often there are instances where we have misunderstood things. Once we sit down and think we can begin to undo the instances where we have misunderstood those things. Maybe there is a beautiful spot in nature where we can sit down and relax. Nothing is ever perfect, but I know we can find balance. I hope we can find it. We avenge our thoughts. We want retribution. We want to escape. Something or someone has taken sides against us. We want revenge on a grand scale. Forget it and live. Interaction with the human race is full of misinformation!

Still, I think my crush is on to me and aren’t we being a little intrusive, don’t ya know!

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